March 25, 2010

Attempting to be a little more Awesome

I've been wanting to do more with this blog for a long time. I've been reading some blogs that are just crazy, outrageous, TMI, yet interesting. Some people have platforms like "I'm only going to read books by XYZ author" or "I'm a published author and I'm going to blog about how to be as cool as me" or the always entertaining "I'm a very opinionated person and I'm going to blog about all the things that piss me off". Then you have people like me. The most boring people in the world.

I like to read, but I don't have a particular type of story or type of author I like to read. I read the stories that sound interesting. Most of these would include YA novels because they are quickly paced and tend to have fresher writing in my opinion. I'm trying to be a bit more proactive in choosing authors of color, but at the end of the day, the story has to be good.

I like to write, but I don't ever finish anything that I try to write. I've been working seriously on IAR for 3 years (8 years if you want to get technical) and I still have nothing to show for it other than a really nice website that I partially coded myself. None of my ideas are ever seen to fruition because I can't get rid of that inner editor. I can never get myself to write the first draft, something always prevents me for pushing the story forward and I have no clue what it is. 

I don't blog about the few interesting things that happen to me because I rarely go out. I like staying at home, locked in my room with a bag of pita chips, roasted garlic hummus, and a can of root beer, reading books with the TV on mute in the background. When I do go out, nothing out of the ordinary happens. I don't really party and if I do, I don't really do anything at the parties worth blogging about (although there was this one time in Orange County...). I drink, but I rarely get drunk.  I don't do drugs intentionally and never been in the position to do them unintentionally.

I don't really rant about people or things because too afraid to offend people if I name them, in case they do read this blog. I could definitely rant about work but I'm afraid that I'll get fired if I say something negative in a public space no matter how vague I am. I actually like my job(s).

I don't have a boyfriend, I'm too self-absorbed, selfish, and too lazy to put in the effort into maintaining a relationship while I'm juggling work and school. The guys I'm attracted to (which is few) seem to be just as self-absorbed as me. It can be done, but it's not worth the hassle and the drama. So since I don't have a boyfriend, I don't go out and have casual sex. Hell, I'm proud to admit that I'm still a virgin. I don't have the time or the energy to engage in that kind of lifestyle at this point in life. My reasons are selfish. I need security and commitment because I'll be damned if I have to take care of a kid by myself. The child's already at a disadvantage having me for a mother, so I need to get my shit together before I can even think about having kids or getting into a relationship for that matter. I owe who ever I'm with at least that much.

I don't have much of opinion about anything. I'm not for or against a lot of things. Most of the stuff that people are fighting for, I really don't care about. Everything has a lot of gray area for me, like abortion or gay marriage or those controversial subjects.

I still want to do more with this blog though. I want to get more vocal about the gray areas that I see. I want to talk about race, sexuality, writing, reading, work, crazy situations that I get into, random musings, bits and pieces about works in progress, worldbuilding, and everything inbetween. I'm not going to put them all on different blogs, frankly because I don't think I have enough to say about either of these subjects to fill up an entire blog. I guess I shouldn't worry about offending people. There's a lot of people who are wrong on the internet and there are a hell of a lot of people who write offensive things. I won't be doing this on purpose, but I do realize that some of my opinions don't fit with the mainstream, but that's okay.

I want to challenge myself to write something, be a little bit more raw in my blog. I tend to use discretion when I speak what's on my mind, so I'm not going to set out to hurt someone's feelings. I'm not going to hold back as much as I usually do. It's not that I'm dishonest or making up shit just to put in my blog or one of those people who only does things just to brag about them in their facebook status. I'm just going to be a little less formal and PC and a little more true to myself and how I feel without worrying about people's feelings.

So starting in April, I'm going to kick off the blog with a post about my spring break in Las Vegas. I'm going to talk about race, writing, sexuality, my views on things in society, and push myself to be more outgoing in the future. I'm still going to be reading and writing book reviews. Check it out.


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