June 25, 2010

The Scientific Method: It's Not About Love, It's About Friendship

This next post in this series of "The Scientific Method" better known "Why Najela Can't Get a Man(and perhaps why that's not a bad thing)".

While I was driving home today, I was thinking about my lack of ability to find a guy. I had to analyze why I haven't put myself out there. I finally came to two conclusions:

1) I'm terrible at reading whether a guy likes me or not.
Case in point: At my job, a coworker and I were talking about all the heavy lifting that we have to do. For those who don't know, one of my (many) odd jobs is working as a Mad Scientist. I teach children science through hands on learning. Normally our kits aren't too heavy, but one school asked for a system I had never taught before and all the kits were extremely heavy. The coworker and I were talking about how buff we had gotten over the course of a few months. Another coworker who was listening to our conversation decides to join in.

Coworker: I'm single.
Me: Oh yeah, me too.
Coworker: We should exchange numbers.
Me: Okay... (incredulously) wait... seriously?

Needless to say, I think I blew it. Not to say that I was interested, he's a nice guy. Smart, descent looking (He was wearing sunglasses so I didn't get to see his eyes. Beautiful eyes are a major turn on for me.), and has a degree in bioengineering(cha-ching). We had a few conversations about majors school related things, and work related things, but I never got the sense that he was interested in me until that point. That whole conversation had me intrigued. This isn't the first time that it's happened either.  I'm either giving off the wrong impression or not picking up signals from other people.

2) I am actually content with my life without a boyfriend. 
In my life, I've always had a male companion. He wasn't a romantic partner, but he was my wingman, my right hand guy. I had more guy friends in elementary school. In 9th grade, it was my friend Micah. In 10th grade, it was my ex-boyfriend (the first time I realized that some guy friends are better left undated), in 11th and 12th grade it was my friend Andrew. In my first year of college, I think it was a friend I went to high school with (but he lied about some serious things) for just a little bit. In 2nd year, it was my friends Andy and Danny. The end of 2nd year, all of 3rd year, and part of 4th it was one of my friends who I met through RHA. Then my wingman graduates from college and I'm wingmanless. No more semi-dates and goofing without any intention of a romantic relationship. 

At the time the first post in this series was written, I was guy friendless. I thought I liked a guy, but then I talked myself out of it. Then I realized I didn't want a romantic relationship. I needed a wingman. I needed someone who didn't expect me to be a girlfriend, but just a friend who happened to be a girl. I don't really know what goes into being a girlfriend. I'm not the type of person who is going to call every night and needs to keep tabs on what you're doing and where you're going. I would trust you enough to not worry. I used to be the jealous type, but I have been working on that as well. I try not to let my jealousy show, because it tends to ruin relationships. When you're a girlfriend, ugh, there seems too be so much stress into playing that role. Playing that role is kind of limiting.

So it's not really about love or even being in a romantic relationship. That's not what I really want or need at this point (though I'd welcome it, if it came along). I just need to focus on nurturing the friendships I already have and welcome more friendships in.

For the friends who are worried about me and my relationship woes, you don't need to worry. I think I got it all figured out. It's not that I don't deserve love or even that I can't get love or whatever. I'm not desperate enough to just throw myself out there for any old person to catch. It's not even the fact that I may or may not be ready for a relationship. The fact of the matter is that I think I've grown up enough to approach things cautiously. The last relationship was an intense high school thing where I had to be with this person now and if I didn't hurry up and act, I might lose out. That's not the right way to approach a relationship with anyone. It's not a race. There's no rush to get a ring on a finger or put a bun in the oven (at least not until you're 35), so why not slow things down and get to know someone. I watch too much damn daytime television to know what happens when you move things too fast. That's just a recipe for disaster.

So sexy blog readers: Do you have your right hand man(or woman)? Who are they (you don't need to say names) and what do you guys do together?

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